Surgery Day

Zoe went into surgery at 7am this morning. She was so strong and brave....it was amazing to me. I have never been so proud of my daughter as I am in this moment.

Going into this, I was so fearful that her body wouldn't be strong enough to go through these extensive surgeries. I had begun to see her as fragile from the constant illness. I just wanted to protect her. Whatever I could do to prevent her from getting sick in any way and I was all over it. Hand sanitizer, putting her hood up with every breeze, washing hands like crazy, and anything else I could think of on a daily basis. When we got the diagnosis of cancer, my first thought was, how is her little body going to fight this? I really felt hopeless. I prayed and prayed about it, and the answer I got was...believe in her. Just trust and believe in her. It's not just about the strength of the body, but also the strength of her spirit. Her spirit is so strong. I've seen her willing and able to calm down in the most chaotic of hospital situations, I've seen her fight like a lion, screaming her heart out, and I've seen her laugh with her sister about how stupid it is to "bumps" (that is what we call the cancer in her neck), and surgery. We all do what we have to do in this life...we're not always left with a choice. As adults we understand that illness (even serious illness) is part of life. Everyone dies someday. Birth and death and birth and death...that is what life is. It feels like a loss of innocence that Zoe must learn this so young. I want to mourn this, but something inside tells me that it may become something to celebrate one day. I truly believe that she will survive this. I no longer have to make a conscious choice to believe in her, it's just there. It's there, and it's beautiful, and it's freed me to be everything I need to be for her. Everything happens for a reason, and as hard as this is, there is a reason for it.

Thank-you to everyone that has visited our blog and that cares for Zoe. We are completely humbled by all the support from our friends, family, and people that we have never even met! It fills me up when I'm feeling empty to know that you are all out there.

Much gratitude to everyone who has donated...I don't know what to say...we're just so grateful to have your help when we need it most.

-Colleen